My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
