I wannas sexs uuuuu
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
