You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
