Heybabeimwearingurpanties
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
