Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
