seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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