I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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