I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
