i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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