And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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