I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
