You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
