My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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