so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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