OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize