i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
