btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
