I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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