i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I love having hate sex.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
