Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
