we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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