3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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