I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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