At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
