I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
