I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
