Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
