I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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