I have demons in me.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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