Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
