i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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