i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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