she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
