i just wanna soil my oats bro
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
