i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
