i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize