i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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