Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize