He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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