mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
