she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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