You're my little dorito
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
