i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
