I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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