His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize