my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
