I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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