Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
tell me about the eggs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
