Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
