yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Your tits are I can't wait for
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
