planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
