Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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