I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
last night I used snow as a chaser
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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