Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
