Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
