Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
