im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize