No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
