I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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