I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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