i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
