remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
