I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
